long time no nothing

but it's time to get back. well there is no time but i'll make some. ok, not right now.

meanwhile :D (remembering ando)

i'm sticking with no for a while

no more noise... no music, no tv, no cars, no more people talking too much, too loud, too often, too eager, too boring
no technology
no strong lights
no talking
no being told what to do and no need to tell anyone anything
no listening mood... no anything, no anyone
no hugs, no affection
no laughing

i just don't want to be myself for a while

fresh new attitude

mesaj subliminal

deeeeeci

primul post in frumoasa-mi limba nativa... de fapt o sa incerc sa nu ma folosesc de engleza, ca prea am dezvoltat o dependenta...
e sesiune... fuck it (nu suna ok in romana)... e prea repede, nici nu mi-am revenit dupa toata agitatia din ultimele 3 saptamani de la faculta, cu predari peste predari, nemultumiri, dezamagiri, planse, machete, nervi intinsi la maxim, inabusiti in suc propriu, nopti nedormite, haos, saci de gunoi plini ochi, mancat haotic, bioritm dereglat, sistem imunitar distrus, fetze incercanate si coshuroase, pentru ca in final... ok nu stiu ce e in final inca, mai am de asteptat pana joi sa aflu cat de dezastruos si de dezamagitor a fost tot chinul, oricum mi s-au inecat corabiile deja...si da... s-a terminat si semestrul, si au trecut 3 zile de relax in care ar fi trebuit sa invat pentru primul examen din sesiune... ce sa invat cand mie imi sta gandul la somn, somn, somn si la el! si fir-ar ca el nu ar trebui sa aiba loc la mine in cap...dar are si ii fac loc din plin... de parca nu as avea ceva mai bun de facut... si chiar am... e atata de invatat ca nu stiu de unde sa ma apuc si cu ce sa continui, nu mai stiu sa invat si ma sperie deja prezentarea la examen... imi vine sa ma ascund undeva si sa opresc timpul, sa citesc si sa invat in liniste si pace si sa ii dau lui un erase din capul meu... si nu, nu merge cum vreau eu, inca imi e somn, inca nu vreau sa invat si simt nevoia sa imi revars afectiunea... si la naiba ca nu se ingrasa porcul in ajun sau nu am eu instrumentele adecvate.
si iti spune toata lumea... invata, invata, invata... sau oau ce tare e aia si aia... dar vai cum sa nu stii asa ceva? ok, nu stiu! nu stiu! pe bune ca nu am habar! si nu ma ajuta cu nimic ca ma intrebi cum sa nu stiu asa ceva, zi-mi si mie mai bine... sau lasa-ma in pace ca nu am salvat cei cativa nervi ramasi pentru morala... nu stiu si pace... acumulez mai incet, sunt mai slow, retard daca preferi...si totusi imi place ce aflu si descopar... scazand timpul care imi lipseste... si care ma face sa ma simt nesemnificativa si terminata... o sa ma opresc din a-mi ineca corabiile si mai adanc, ca trebuie sa gasesc ceva ingrasamanat pentru sacrificiul de peste cateva ore

smile

it is something which cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen.
it cost nothing but gives much, enriches these who resolve, making poorer these who give it
it hardly takes a moment but its memory sometime lasts forever.
it is just a smile which carets happiness.
some people are too selfish to give smile, so better give them one for none needs and smile.
so much as one who has no more to give

men everywhere

Woman has Manin it;

Mrs. has Mr. in it;

Female has Male in it;

She has He in it;

Madam has Adam in it;

No wonder men always want to be inside women!

Ever notice how all of women's problems start withMEN?

MENtal illness

MENstrual cramps

MENtal breakdown

MENopause

GUYnecologist

lesson 6

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

lesson 5

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

lesson 3

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

lesson 2

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

lesson 1

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.

special week

there are these six funny stories i wanna share with you... one for every day this week

because i am tired of trying to fake that i am happy and because i am searching for something i yet can't find... being happy just because

so i am being panda until i get there ;)

kiss kiss bang bang

if i said the dream where i was naked was weird... today i had the weirdest dream of my life... and in a continuous note... it was really meaningful for me
so... the people in my dream... i think i never had dreams that included them so far... they were my uncle and my aunt and my cousins... they are family, but i don't understand why there weren't mom dad and my brother... anyway maybe i know and i don't wanna share... so, we were somewhere in their house, i couldn't recognize the room... but we were there, talking... i mean me and my cousins... and out of the sudden, like in eliade's novels, we all agreed that something evil and dangerous was among us... and someone shouted... he's got a gun, get on the floor!!! and so i did, with no arguing or even looking where the villain was... and then there was this unexpected gun fire noise... i don't know why but i was feeling that if you are on the ground, you couldn't get shot... and so someone proved me wrong... and i felt a deep sharp pain in my back, crushing some of my ribs... and i felt that i couldn't get up... in a weird way...the first feeling was outch! it hurts... then i felt numb... and then i felt a growing pain in that place. and i couldn't get up, i felt hold in that place that i was lying... and i asked someone to call for an ambulance...and i was calling for the ambulance but they just put me to hold until they make the connection...no one else seemed to track them down... and then i remember that i shouted for my brother, he called for the ambulance too, but he told me that they said him that i was not an emergency... so i called again... and this time a woman with a lazy voice answered... she asked me what my emergency was... and i told her to send an ambulance at my uncle's house she then asked me what happened and i said that i was shot and i was on the ground, couldn't get up. and she asked how much time passed since the gunfire... and i was so shocked...why on earth would she ask me something like that... i was having a febrile state with racing thoughts that moment... i said about 15-20 minutes ago... and what stunned me is that she just replied me 'ah, it's all ok, your wound is already starting to close. now let me handle the real emergencies. bye!'. again...i was so shocked... and when i looked at my right, my aunt was giving me the 'you should have expected that' look (can't figure out where she appeared from)... and still... no one asked me if there were as an exit wound when they told me that i'll be ok soon... or if i am bleeding, or what am i thinking... or worry for me... it was just like i was some kind of extraordinary specie and that nothing bad could happen to me... and i remember just some quick thoughts i had while i was waiting for people to call 112... hospital, surgery, i have a bullet inside of me, who shot me, why he shot me and why is that angle so stupid, there is no exit wound so the bullet is still inside, surgery, there is a warm painful sharp bullet inside of my ribs or lungs, what internal damage he did to me...

every thought and every action has a very clear explanation now... and i am starting to see the bigger picture in my life

weird dream

i was in the amphitheater... and there were not just as many people as they usually are when we have a class... but a distinctive and characteristic face was there though... he keeps showing in my dreams in a total unexpected and unwanted way.
so, i was in one of the last rows in the amphitheater with two of the people i usually hang out with... and we just stood there, talking nonsense i guess...just the usual... but i was... naked!!!!! not completely naked, just topless, but still!!! and nobody seemed to notice that... and i had to get out of the room for a few moments...that meant that i had to cross the room naked... and i felt just so...peony... and it was out of ordinary that no one seemed to see that some of my clothes were missing... they were all looking at me like everything is alright and in the right place, just the way it should be...and when i came back and seated with my friends...there was an unexpected visitor near us... not talking with us...just looking really nice directly to me and i don't really want to remember that particular moment. and then i woke up and thank god it was over, because i was feeling so exposed and in such a agitated state if mind...

later that day i tried to understand what it really meant... and it is about my communicating problem... showing other people how i am... and that they would accept me just the way i am... if only i would show them who i really am

make a wish

those special days... days we celebrate, moments of enthusiasm or apathy, life flashes... dreams, fantasies, hopes, decisions...
so make a wish and blow the candle... enjoy the day, live the moment, be happy!
xo

give me your best shot!

so i fail... repeatedly... endlessly... over and over again... and when i achieve success, let's face it, it won't last... i am just winning small battles one at a time... but loosing the war...
still... i am a survivor, i am strong... and i never give up without a fight... there will always be fights, winning moments and failures... champions and losers...and even when I'll fail... I'll make it so people remember of me... i won't lower my standards and I'll fight just my own ways and means... and i will always be a die hard!

'goodbye'

what happened was very nice and unbelievable... my only regret is that i couldn't make it last a little longer... so today it is 'goodbye'... the kind of goodbye that will make me say 'hello' again one day.

this song really speaks it out for me and what i feel right now :)

A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never let forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

mentally challenged

i am the kind of girl who likes to analyze... what happens in my life, i like to think i'm in control of it... if i'm not, i want to get it in my control... i like to lead... but sometimes i feel just fine being leaded, as long as it goes with my beliefs. i think i can be a good leader...but not a great one... because i tend to care too much about others beliefs, and i want to keep the peace and well being in the team... but it's not always about leading, it's about co-working... making a team effort... and i find it cruel when you are forced to work with people who are just not your working type... i mean...i like it all to be logic... but working with someone with no flexibility in his thought makes me break my limits... or at least i know i can do better.

i used to think that if i want to get something or someone of my mind, i just need to work hard and make it all about working. in the beggining, it worked, and it gaved me a huge satisfaction... but after a couple of weeks of hard work and good results, work became part of me, and my hidden thoughts popped back in my daily routine... i even feel like i am wasting so much time... a while ago i wasn't able to work properly, now i think i broke one psychilogical barrier... many more to come, i'm sure...

out of luck

i used to think that i am lucky... and feeling lucky made me feel special... just a bit...but it was a nice and warm feeling... these days i feel that my personal stash of lucky clovers died.
last week was so... hmm... strong on my emotions... and every event, every fight, and every talk torn me upside down... i don't want to sound like i'm mourning over...or something like that... i'm not angry, i am deflected...
there is one person in whom i seek for appreciation... the more i want him to say he is proud of me... the more he breaks me down in pieces... and from all the down moments someone ever put me through, these are the worst, because they last the longest, and they never seem to go away, but repeat endlessly
there is one person in whom i seek for affection... and every time i am trying to let it go, he shows up and makes me do crazy things... and i like that, because i get my affection... but after that i realize that it is all wrong, because every nice thing happens just when he wants, regardless my emotional availability and breakdowns
there is one person in whom i seek for support... and friendship the most... and i don't know how she manages to hurt me so easily and so often... and so not caring
and i am unable to speak out my emotions... and tell them that they hurt me... i don't even know what i would realize if i would say all these... i feel so lost and it all makes me feel so not special, less then everybody else, so out of luck...

p.s. it will go away

love is in the air?

14 February... Valentine's Day... for some, a wonderful and cheerful day... for me, this day is always just the day after 13 February...and i don't need a Romeo by my side to change my opinion... i just think that it's such a big fat lie... for this is not an authenticate Holiday... it's just a commercial way to show how much you love your significant other... everywhere hearts and roses and sugary stuff... i don't get you, people who like and do this... why you need a special day called Valentine's day? why can't you do this every day? you don't have to buy flowers and gifts everyday, but every once in a while, without a special purpose, showing that you care means more than one day everybody celebrates as the St Valentine... I'm just not ok with that (or with marriage, but that is something i'll expand another day, today i'm just grossed with the sugar overdose my eyes get)

friday 13

i probably shouldn't have left the house today... because it's the double trouble friday 13... and i don't know why, but everybody seems to believe that this is an awful day for anything you would commence... but why do people believe in superstitions?

superstition is a belief or notion, not based on reason or knowledge
the word is often used pejoratively to refer to supposedly irrational beliefs of others, and its precise meaning is therefore subjective. It is commonly applied to beliefs and practices surrounding luck, prophecy and spiritual beings, particularly the irrational belief that future events can be influenced or foretold by specific, unrelated behaviors or occurrences.
to medieval scholars the word was applied to any beliefs outside of or in opposition to Christianity; today it is applied to conceptions without foundation in, or in contravention of, scientific and logical knowledge.

OK, so that's the basis... now let's have fun with superstitions

• friday 13... bad bad luck... i'll tell you more later
  
• walking under a ladder...this came from the early Christian belief that a leaning ladder formed a triangle with the wall and ground. you must never violate the Holy Trinity by walking through a triangle, lest you be considered in league with the devil...it is said that this can be undone by immediately walking backwards back underneath the ladder
• "if you are to step on a crack
  your mother would then break her back"
• throw salt over their shoulder after they spill it, in order to blind the devil, who sits at your left shoulder...is said to cause a fight or argument during the day
• breaking a mirror is considered to cause 7 years of bad luck. to "undo" this, take the shards of glass and bury them underneath the moonlight. in ancient times, the mirror was said to be a window to the viewer's soul. if that mirror were to break, it would take time (or 7 years) for that 'cracked' soul to heal as 'time heals all wounds'
• in India, there is a superstition that a pregnant woman should avoid going outside during an eclipse in order to prevent her baby being born with a facial birthmark
• in Iran, birthmarks are called 'maah-gereftegi' which means eclipse
• in Korea, there is a superstition that leaving a fan on in a closed room will suffocate the occupants
• in the theater, it is bad luck to wish someone "Good luck." instead, one is to say "Break a leg."
• uttering the word "Macbeth" in a theatre is said to bring bad luck, unless performing the show. it is commonly referred to as "The Scottish Play"and is supposedly cursed.
• whistling in a theater is bad luck. the most plausible explanation is that in early theater, the flyspace was operated using an advanced system of whistles, and nonchalant whistling may cue a tech person to do their cue too early and screw up the performance.
• the green room should never be painted green
• seeing a peacock in or near a theater is bad luck. peacocks were once believed to possess the "evil eye" in their tails. most bad luck in theater can be expelled by having the person responsible turn around themselves to the right three times, then spitting or farting... say whaaaat?
• if all of the candles on a birthday cake are blown out with one breath, while making a silent wish, the wish will come true.
• black cat crossing one's path is dependent upon culture: some cultures consider this a sign of impending bad luck, while some cultures consider this a sign of impending good luck.
• opening an umbrella indoors is said to result in 21 days of bad luck. some traditions hold that it is only bad luck if the umbrella is placed over the head of someone while indoors.
• placing a hat on the bed is, apparently, bad luck. (South Carolina)
• placing keys on a table is considered unlucky. (Sweden)
• it is bad luck to put new shoes on a bed (or a table) (comes from the tradition of dressing a corpse in new clothes and shoes and laying them out so everyone can give their respects) (UK)
• collect seven or nine different flowers on midsummer eve and place them under your pillow and it is said that you will dream of your future spouse. (Sweden)
• the phrase "See a pin and pick it up then all day you'll have good luck" is a superstition created from the first line of a poem in the book "The Real Mother Goose". Modern variants sometimes substitute the word "penny" for pin.
• when you speak of bad luck, it is said that one should always knock on wood. also knocking when speaking of good luck apparently helps with having good luck. this is an old Celtic tradition related to belief of wood spirits.
• before traveling a person should, apparently, sit on their luggage. (Russian)
• two people breaking a wishbone is said to lead to good luck for the person with the larger piece.
• once a wedding ring has been placed on the finger, it is considered bad luck to remove it.
• there are numerous sailors' superstitions, such as: it is considered bad luck for a ship to set sail on a Friday, to bring anything blue aboard, to stick a knife into the deck, to leave a hatch cover upside-down, to say "pig", or to eat walnuts aboard. Some beliefs state that it is bad luck to have a woman aboard ship, while others say that a storm will give way to calm if a woman bares her body to it, which may explain why female figureheads are often bare-breasted.
• some motorcycle enthusiasts hang a biker's bell from a portion of their bike to protect themselves from evil road spirits.
• it is bad luck to kill a ladybug because it represents the Virgin Mary

• even saying 'God bless you!' when someone sneezes started with a superstition... during the plagues that swept through Europe in the medieval period. according to legend, during the time of a plague, Saint Gregory I the Great ordered that people say "God bless you!" when somebody sneezed, to prevent the spread of the disease

Today is Friday the 13th and, if you're not careful, an evil spirit could enter your body and steal your soul - or, at the very least, cause you to drop a meatball on your crisp white shirt. To ward off bad luck, protect yourself with any of these five rituals or tokens employed by cultures around the world.


Muslims call it the Hand of Fatima, while Jews refer to it as the Hand of Miriam, hamsa hand or hamesh hand.
Both faiths, however, agree on its powers. The hand with the colored eye -- found on necklaces, ornaments, stickers, etc. -- will shield you from the powers of the evil eye.

Layer on the eyeliner and smoky eye shadow.

Ancient Egyptians believed that makeup prevented the evil one from entering your eyes.

Show the 'horned hand.'
It looks like a secret greeting among Metallica-heads, but Italians do the mano cornuta for protection. To form the gesture, use your thumb to hold down your middle and ring fingers, then extend your pointer and pinkie like horns. Though this might ward off evil spirits, it could also attract heavy-metal rockers or University of Texas fans.

In Jewish tradition, you have a few
options:

Spit three times on your fingertips, then wave them in the air; throw salt; say, in Yiddish, kayn aynhoreh ("no evil eye"); or eat lots of garlic. For Transylvanians, the garlic (worn, not ingested) also frightens off vampires and werewolves.

Grab a carrot,

a replica of the Washington Monument or any other phallic object. According to Romans, such objects seduce the evil spirit away from you -- however, your carrot might then be possessed


oh....these are some lyrics i found expressing sarcastically my opinion on all these

"I throw salt over my shoulder
Got a rabbit's foot round my neck
I'd try any kind of Voodoo
To get you back, by heck
I'm fussy about mirrors
I do not step on cracks
I can't walk under ladders
I pull kittens out of sacks
These silly superstitions
Are driving me insane
If you come home I will be good
I just can't stand the strain
I don't mess with umbrellas
I always knock on wood
Cross my heart and hope to die
I promise to be good
All my pennies go in wishing wells
I never sit on hats
I won't have shoes on tables
And I can't abide black cats
I give nuns complete attention
Light candles by the score
I'm so involved in magic
I won't be bad no more
I help old ladies crossing streets
I don't give people knives
I never play with matches
Or other fella's wives
I don't mess with umbrellas
I always knock on wood
Cross my heart and hope to die
I promise to be good"

"self" -ish

not egocentric...or self centered... or maybe just a bit.... but it's about you... your self... me actually... and my self...

"loving ourselves means focusing on our positive aspects, the ones that makes us feel good about ourselves"

I was just reading this and it made me realize what a shame it is that i keep saying to myself that i can't do this or that because I'm not good enough... well, i sure am not tall enough or skinny to be a model, I'm not close to being a star, but that is not even close to my goal... and only the average woman would rather have beauty than brains, for the average man can see better than he can think... and i am definitely not average!!!

and it goes on like this
"with that foundation in place, we can move on to loving whatever we focus our attention on"

so i have to start loving myself :D
and that brings me to my first idea... "self" - ish... and even selfish... the first thing i have to do in order to love myself is to be selfish... and stop caring so much for others, and start focusing on my own... i should start with clearing my head... arranging and solving my own problems instead of listening to other people's issues... start being more optimistic about me and my situation... that implies that i should keep my smile on in every circumstance and it will eventually turn in my favor...

so hello positive thinking!

oh and a good advice when you feel down: "Don't think of yourself as an ugly person... think of yourself as a beautiful monkey"

i want more

and it's a good thing
it makes me progress

i want more not from somebody , but from me...
i want to work harder and be proud of what i did in the end...
i want to be able to say the things i think...
i want to be proud of my ideas and my thoughts...
i want to show them with all my rightful respect...

but just a will won't help unless i actually do something towards it

i have a new role model...i envy her a bit...she is able to do whatever she thinks of....i want that too...i dream a lot...and a fantasize even more... i have to put my feet back on the ground and act as i think... i have to live my dream, because i waste it almost every day.

i have my chance...and i have to make it happen

the games

when you say 'game', where does your mind stop?

the games we play.... the games that play us...
the players...
the team mates... the opponents...
the victories... the looses...
the winners... the losers...
the king... the queen... the rooks... the bishops... the knights... the pawns...
the Muppet... the string puller...
the dummies...

every time i think on that word it all ends up in.... yes, manipulation... there are these games where you have to play by the rules, follow the steps, be the first one at the finish line, play it all fair... and i think that every game should be like that... but it's the players.... yes it's a player's intervention that changes it all... you know, like when you play chess... you anticipate your opponent's next move and you act according to your guess... if you are a good strategist you might be the winner in the end... still there is luck and hope, and players that play by that rule...like in a poker game... bluffing for their hand is not so good... still there can be a lot of strategy and tactics in there...
anyway, i was thinking in people and how I relate with them... because these days, i was feeling manipulated and played... and not just by one person... but by many... and by many close ones... is it because i look innocent? or is it because i am trying to be nice that people use me? do they even realize that what they do or say might hurt me? do they notice me as 'the queen' or am i just another 'pawn'? and i admit it that i let myself fooled and manipulated ... though i am not naive... and all of this because? because i am a sucker for love and affection and in my try of getting them, i focus so much on the others that i can't even realize what they are doing to me... and it's so sad when you see the truth and the strings...
so no more feeling like a dummy... no matter how much you'll play me, I'll break my strings one day... so enjoy it for now... cause I'll sure have my toys that day.

Game on!

so what's it all about

the road... not just mine but everyone's... is just our little path interconnected every day with so many other paths... and it's so rarely a highway where we go altogether heading the same direction, following the same route signs, choosing the same paths...because our small and narrow little road is every day crossed by other roads, bigger or narrower than our owns, sometimes making us shift and turn, changing our direction, other times letting us passersby, enjoying or envying the view... and there are the roads you cross... willingly and repeatedly... by forfeit or plan... by luck and chance... because of friendship and love or even other ones wrong lane as you can see it from your side... the almost highways, roads who no one says they end but they do... lanes you loose, lanes you gain... stop signs... crossroads... and turns...and then again the road goes on...