out of luck

i used to think that i am lucky... and feeling lucky made me feel special... just a bit...but it was a nice and warm feeling... these days i feel that my personal stash of lucky clovers died.
last week was so... hmm... strong on my emotions... and every event, every fight, and every talk torn me upside down... i don't want to sound like i'm mourning over...or something like that... i'm not angry, i am deflected...
there is one person in whom i seek for appreciation... the more i want him to say he is proud of me... the more he breaks me down in pieces... and from all the down moments someone ever put me through, these are the worst, because they last the longest, and they never seem to go away, but repeat endlessly
there is one person in whom i seek for affection... and every time i am trying to let it go, he shows up and makes me do crazy things... and i like that, because i get my affection... but after that i realize that it is all wrong, because every nice thing happens just when he wants, regardless my emotional availability and breakdowns
there is one person in whom i seek for support... and friendship the most... and i don't know how she manages to hurt me so easily and so often... and so not caring
and i am unable to speak out my emotions... and tell them that they hurt me... i don't even know what i would realize if i would say all these... i feel so lost and it all makes me feel so not special, less then everybody else, so out of luck...

p.s. it will go away