'goodbye'

what happened was very nice and unbelievable... my only regret is that i couldn't make it last a little longer... so today it is 'goodbye'... the kind of goodbye that will make me say 'hello' again one day.

this song really speaks it out for me and what i feel right now :)

A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never let forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

mentally challenged

i am the kind of girl who likes to analyze... what happens in my life, i like to think i'm in control of it... if i'm not, i want to get it in my control... i like to lead... but sometimes i feel just fine being leaded, as long as it goes with my beliefs. i think i can be a good leader...but not a great one... because i tend to care too much about others beliefs, and i want to keep the peace and well being in the team... but it's not always about leading, it's about co-working... making a team effort... and i find it cruel when you are forced to work with people who are just not your working type... i mean...i like it all to be logic... but working with someone with no flexibility in his thought makes me break my limits... or at least i know i can do better.

i used to think that if i want to get something or someone of my mind, i just need to work hard and make it all about working. in the beggining, it worked, and it gaved me a huge satisfaction... but after a couple of weeks of hard work and good results, work became part of me, and my hidden thoughts popped back in my daily routine... i even feel like i am wasting so much time... a while ago i wasn't able to work properly, now i think i broke one psychilogical barrier... many more to come, i'm sure...

out of luck

i used to think that i am lucky... and feeling lucky made me feel special... just a bit...but it was a nice and warm feeling... these days i feel that my personal stash of lucky clovers died.
last week was so... hmm... strong on my emotions... and every event, every fight, and every talk torn me upside down... i don't want to sound like i'm mourning over...or something like that... i'm not angry, i am deflected...
there is one person in whom i seek for appreciation... the more i want him to say he is proud of me... the more he breaks me down in pieces... and from all the down moments someone ever put me through, these are the worst, because they last the longest, and they never seem to go away, but repeat endlessly
there is one person in whom i seek for affection... and every time i am trying to let it go, he shows up and makes me do crazy things... and i like that, because i get my affection... but after that i realize that it is all wrong, because every nice thing happens just when he wants, regardless my emotional availability and breakdowns
there is one person in whom i seek for support... and friendship the most... and i don't know how she manages to hurt me so easily and so often... and so not caring
and i am unable to speak out my emotions... and tell them that they hurt me... i don't even know what i would realize if i would say all these... i feel so lost and it all makes me feel so not special, less then everybody else, so out of luck...

p.s. it will go away